Pirate Therapy
by Scarlet has Fantasy Issues
Summary: If our favorite pirates needed therapy, would they get better or would their therapist be the one who needs help? Rated just in case...
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Okay, this idea came out of nowhere, but it seemed right at the time. Please read and review. Flames are welcome._

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"So tell me, Jack, what was this dream that you had that's been bugging you so much?" Scarlet asked, looking at the Captain that was lying on the couch across from her.

"Ye won't think any worse of me will you luv?" he asked, staring at the ceiling with blood eyes that came from lack of sleep.

"Of course I won't." Scarlet promised. "You can't get any worse than what you already are in me books."

"Alright then luv, it was like this," Jack began.

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_The night was awful. The storm was turning the sea into a churning mess that could easily swallow the ship if it wanted to. Jack Sparrow stood at the wheel looking out at the horizon that had blended in with the sea. Lizzie and Will were standing near the mast, watching the crew labor to make sure the Black Pearl stayed afloat. Suddenly a bright green light appeared in the sea in front of them. Jack ordered the men to halt._

'_What is that exactly?' Lizzie asked, looking at him._

'_A green light that is now there.' Jack stated simply, swaggering over to the girl and the enunch, Will. _

'_But what is it?' Lizzie persisted, pointing at it. 'And what does it mean?'_

'_Death? A curse?' Will suggested. 'What have you done now Jack?'_

'_Me? I've done nothing.' Jack stated, smirking. 'But that light is really pretty. Go on and touch it enunch. Ye know ye want to.'_

_Will glanced at the light and made to step forward. 'I do not.' he said, regaining what cool he had._

'_Aw, well…it was worth a try.' Jack muttered._

_The light suddenly became a pillar and from it stepped a man. Well, if you can call someone with a squid on his face a man, that's what stepped from it. He landed heavily on the deck of the Black Pearl and glared at Jack. More light shown and Lizzie and Jack were instantly tied against the mast by fish nets._

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Scarlet nodded and made a note on her paper. "So what did you do next?" she asked, looking at Jack once more.

"Well, I tried to see what squidy face wanted." Jack said, playing with his compass.

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'_Uh…hello person from de light.' Jack said, smiling. 'Welcome aboard me ship.'_

'_Jack Sparrow, it's me, Davy Jones.' the squid faced guy said._

_Jack leaned forward. 'Okay…then why do ye have a squid on ye face?'_

'_It's me face ye whelp!' Davy shouted._

_Jack stepped back. 'So what do ye want?'_

'_You.'_

'_Not available.'_

'_Ye get a choice Jack.' Davy stated. 'Keep your life, ship, and rum but lose these two whelps.' He pointed at Will and Lizzie. 'Or ye lose ye ship and ye rum, but get a nice island with those two.'_

'_No rum?' Jack asked._

_Davy gave him a toothy grin and shook his head. _

'_Deal one sound good to anyone?' Jack asked, looking around at his petrified crew._

'_Jack, you can't possibly be thinking about giving us to him!' Lizzie cried, glaring at him, seeing as Will had his mouth hanging open stupidly. 'We're your friends!'_

'_Friends? Luv, we ain't friends.' Jack stated. 'Ye killed me. And he, well he's got no pride.'_

'_But we've saved you a dozen or more times,' Will pointed out. 'And you haven't gotten rid of us. So we are friends.'_

_Jack looked thoughtful for a moment._

'_Sparrow, I'm losing me patience.' Davy Jones snapped. 'Make your choice.'_

_Jack turned around to give him his answer._

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"And what was your answer Jack?" Scarlet questioned, tapping her pen against her notepad.

Jack smirked. "Well, it was simple really, luv."

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'_Jack, I'm gonna kill you!' Will shouted as he was dragged away by Davy Jones._

'_And then we'll get you back and I'll kill you again!' Lizzie shouted._

_Jack waved to them with one hand while he took a swig of rum. As soon as they were gone and the green light with them, he stopped waving and turned to his crew._

'_Hoist anchor, we're going now!' he shouted. 'More rum and treasure awaits, that a way.' He pointed east. _

_The crew scurried around him to follow his orders. He looked up at the now clear sky and wondered how many bottles of rum he could now store in the space left behind by Will and Lizzie._

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"Jack!" Scarlet exclaimed, leaping to her feet. "How could you?"

Jack sat up as a pillow was brought down on his head. "I need me rum," he declared. "And ye said ye wouldn't be judgmental."

"But trading your friends for rum?" Scarlet asked, crossing her arms.

"It was simply a dream." Jack reminded her.

"Right," Scarlet agreed, sitting down. "If it happened in real life though, would you really trade your friends for rum?"

Jack tapped his chin while he thought and smirked. "Well, maybe just the whelp." he muttered.

"Jack…" Scarlet said in a threatening tone.

Jack thought some more. "And Lizzie because she did kill me."

Scarlet sighed. "Is your rum really that good?"

"Yes. Rum is good. Rum is life. Rum don't kill ye when it gets mad." Jack said, smiling as he pulled two bottles out. "I love rum, luv."

Scarlet nodded and wrote something else on her notepad. "Now Jack, let's schedule another meeting for Friday and this time, bring Elizabeth and Will. I'll need to hear what they say."

"Alright." Jack said, getting up and heading for the door.

"And Jack," Scarlet said, causing him to turn around. "I would trade them too for rum."

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_A/N: Okay, what you think is of great importance. I need to know if I should do a continuation on this with different therapy sessions with inputs for the rest of the gang. I'll even put in questions from your reviews. So click 'Submit Review' and 'Go' and tell me what you think. It's simple. Even the enunch and Jack the monkey could do it._


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: You all seem to love therapy, as long as it's not for you. So, as requested, here's another healthy dose of therapy for you all!_

**Disclaimer: Who am I kidding? I could never own something that good…**

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Scarlet sighed as Jack and Lizzie finally showed up. Thirty minutes late, but they had shown up. She motioned at the couch and they took their seats.

"So, I'm glad that you could come today Lizzie," Scarlet said, trying hard to sound sincere. "As well as you Jack. But where's the whelp – I mean Will?"

"Will, um…where did I put the boy?" Jack asked, looking at the ceiling.

As if knowing that he was being talked about, Will burst through the door, looking worried. He spotted Lizzie and relief shown clearly on his face. "There you are Elizabeth!" he exclaimed, running over to her and giving her a hug. "I'm glad you're safe."

"I'm safe too, thanks for your concern." Jack said, looking at him.

Scarlet cleared her throat as she closed the door. "Shall we begin now?" she asked, taking her seat in the comfy black arm chair.

She got some mumbled replies and shook her head slightly.

"So, the last time Jack was here, we were talking about his recent dreams." Scarlet said.

"Rum." Will muttered, rolling his eyes. "Always rum."

"Ain't always rum." Jack declared. "Sometimes there's women."

"Hookers." Will corrected.

"So ye think Lizzie be a hooker?" Jack questioned.

"You dream about _ME_?" Lizzie asked, looking a mix between shocked and disgust.

"Yep. Only it hasn't been recently cuz ye killed me and I take that personally." Jack stated.

Scarlet cleared her throat again as she wrote on her notepad. "I'M supposed to be asking the questions." she reminded them.

"Ask away." Jack ordered. "I have nothing to hide."

Scarlet cocked an eyebrow. "Would you care to tell these two about your last dream that we discussed?"

"Except that." Jack muttered.

"What was the dream?" Elizabeth asked, looking at Scarlet expectantly.

"Well, I can't tell you if Jack won't tell you." Scarlet muttered. "But it was very…nice."

"He traded us for rum again, didn't he?" Will asked, crossing his arms.

"No…of course not." Scarlet lied. "Now, we're moving on from that. We'll start with you, Will."

"Better get some tissues then luv," Jack mumbled. "Water works could begin. This whelp's a crier."

Scarlet nodded. "Will, what do you really think about Lizzie?"

Will looked at Lizzie. "I think she's a beautiful woman, who I want to spend the rest of my life with." he said.

"Whelp." Jack muttered.

"And Whelp- I mean Will," Scarlet said, ignoring the dirty look Will gave her. "What do you think about Jack?"

Will looked at Jack who smiled. "I think he's the stupidest pirate I've ever met." Will stated. "He's constantly dragging us into some crazy plot and getting in trouble. I was glad when Lizzie shot him."

"Well, your still a whelp." Jack said, shrugging as he pulled a bottle of rum out of nowhere. "And maybe Lizzie's boy toy…"

"Am not!" Will shouted.

"Are too." Jack argued.

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"Boys! Are you however old you are or are you 3?" Scarlet asked.

"He's three." Jack said, pointing at Will.

Lizzie put a hand on Will's arm to stop him from responding to that. Scarlet sighed and looked at Lizzie.

"What do you think about Jack?" she asked.

"Jack is eccentric, outgoing, stupid, strange, and somewhat adorable when he's not acting all weird on us." Lizzie stated, causing Will to give her a dirty look and Jack to smile.

"Ha! I knew ye liked me." Jack declared, taking a swig of rum.

"I do not!" Lizzie exclaimed, blushing bright red. "I hate you and I wish I could shoot you again!"

That seemed to satisfy Will, for now. Scarlet made a long note on her notepad and stifled a yawn.

"What do you think about Will?" she asked.

Lizzie smiled. "I love him and that's all you need to know." she stated.

Will smiled and kissed her. Jack made a retching sound. Scarlet stifled her laugh as the two gave him dirty looks. She quickly regained her composure.

"Jack," she said.

"Hmm?" Jack asked too busy drinking rum to care.

"Jack!" Scarlet hissed, kicking his leg.

Jack removed his mouth from the rum bottle. "Yes luv?"

"What do you think about these two?" she asked, gesturing at the two love birds.

"Hmm…well Lizzie be a hard one to answer." Jack said, looking at his shipmates. "She be female and fickle, naïve, and too hasty with the pistol. And she's a whelp lover. Can't pardon that."

Lizzie made a face at him.

"Then there be enunch." Jack said, waving a careless hand in Will's direction and accidentally hitting Elizabeth. "He just be a whelp. Stupid, afraid, hero poser, virgin, and so naïve." He shook his head sadly. "I don't know how he's survived so long."

Will turned beet red. Lizzie looked at him in surprise.

"You're a virgin?" she asked.

"Jack, I told you not to tell anyone!" Will hissed between clenched teeth.

"Oh…that's right." Jack remembered. "Sorry. Forget I said anything."

Scarlet smirked and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. She wrote on her notepad and shook her head. "I'm going to have to see you all separately over the next few weeks." she stated.

"Why?" Lizzie asked.

"Cuz your man's a whelp." Jack said, smiling. "Ye should have chosen better."

"It would have never worked out between us." Lizzie reminded him.

"Ye keep telling yourself that luv." Jack said, returning to his bottle.

Scarlet sighed and handed everyone a slip of paper. "That's when I'll need you to come back and see me." she informed them. "And try not to be late, you two." She looked pointedly at Lizzie and Will as they stood up.

"What about Jack?" Will asked.

Scarlet smiled. "Jack can be late because he's Jack."

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Great. Another fan girl." she muttered, walking out the door without Will.

Will looked down where Lizzie had been. His eyes widened with worry. "Lizzie? Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm out here Will!" Lizzie called. "So let's get back to the Black Pearl!"

Will left the room in a hurry. Scarlet glanced at Jack. He looked at her and offered her a bottle of rum.

"Thanks." she muttered, taking a swig. "I'll see you on Tuesday."

Jack nodded and started to leave.

"He's a whelp for sure." Scarlet muttered. "And she's lying to you about her feelings."

Jack smiled. His golden teeth sparkled in the fluorescent light of the office. "I knew it!" he said. "See ye later luv."

Scarlet shook her head as he left. She hoped he wouldn't see her next appointment.

"NORRY!!!" Jack exclaimed.

"SPARROW!?!?" Norrington exclaimed.

_Oh snap, _Scarlet thought, gulping down the rest of the rum. _What have I gotten myself into?_

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_A/N: Well, I think I'm going to leave it there. When we come back, I'll be talking to Norrington and we'll see what our therapist makes of him. Please read and review._

_Scarlet_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Wow! I received a lot of feedback from all of you and…wow! Thanks people. And just as the doctor ordered, we get more therapy. Enjoy!_

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Scarlet had to wrestle the screaming Norrington into her office and push him onto the couch. She had to wait a few minutes for him to calm down enough to speak in English.

"What- what was he doing here?" he demanded.

"Getting therapy." Scarlet stated simply. "That's what we do here."

"But a pirate? You can't help him much." Norrington said, playing with his hat. "Nasty people they are. Wild beasts that should all be hanged."

"A bit prejudiced, aren't we James?" Scarlet asked, making some notes on a new notepad.

"Only against pirates." Norrington muttered. "And slaves. And homeless people. And tramps…"

"Okay…we'll just say that you don't like people of lower class and of bad background." Scarlet mumbled. "Cough-prejudiced-cough." She smiled. "Now, I need you to get in a comfortable position and relax. Close your eyes and clear your mind."

Norrington sighed and laid down on the couch and closed his eyes.

Scarlet sat back in her chair. "Now James, I need you to tell me what you're thinking now."

"Nothing." Norrington said. "You told me not to."

"That's right. Now James, what did you dream last night?" Scarlet questioned, staring at him.

"Well, I…uh…I…"

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_Norrington turned when he heard someone say his name. It was a mere private in his armada. _

"_What is it?" he asked._

"_Sir, we're in sight of the Black Pearl and we are gaining fast." the private stated, standing straighter than a board._

"_Good. Have the men armed and ready to fight." Norrington ordered. _

_The private hurried to obey his commands. Norrington pulled out his spy glass and locked it onto the growing form of the Black Pearl. He had been waiting for this moment for years…_

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"I'm going to stop you now to ask a few questions." Scarlet stated.

"Well, get on with it Madam." Norrington ordered, keeping his eyes closed. "I haven't got all day to think about a silly dream."

_Neither do I, _Scarlet thought, but held her tongue. "Well, do you feel as though you treat your privateers with the same respect that you expect from them?"

"Of course I do." Norrington stated. "I am a fair man who deals with an unprejudiced heart."

"Except when it comes to pirates." Scarlet pointed out. "But on with your dream."

Norrington nodded.

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_His ship pulled up next to the Black Pearl and he was one of the men who swung over to the cursed ship. His sword quickly became crimson with the blood of pirates. But he had his mind on using it on one particular one. First, he had to get rid of the ones in his way, and then he'd get the bigger prize._

_Suddenly movement to his left caught his eye. He turned to see Elizabeth Swann, standing in horrid pirate attire and brandishing a sword. She looked him in the eyes and her grip on her sword slackened a little. He moved forward but a bullet hit the deck where his foot was going to go down. He and Elizabeth looked up to see Jack standing there in all his pirate glory._

"_Welcome aboard Commodore," Jack said, smiling slightly. "Now kindly leave me ship and me girl, and we'll try to forget ye ever happened to exist, savvy?"_

_Norrington looked at Elizabeth again. She was looking between the two men with a scared expression on her face. Jack suddenly grabbed a swinging rope, swung over to her, grabbed her, and swung back into his original position with Elizabeth in his arms. That infuriated Norrington more than anything._

"_Ye see Norry," Jack said, one arm wrapped around Elizabeth, the other hidden behind her. "When ye get to look as cute as me, ye get the ladies. When ye get to look like you, ye get the ladies who look like ye mum and probably are."_

_Norrington raised his pistol and aimed it at Jack's head. "Take that back Sparrow!" he ordered._

"_Or what? Ye gonna sick ye mum on me?" Jack taunted._

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"So, Jack taunted you because your apparent lack of luck with the ladies?" Scarlet asked, now just writing instead of looking at him.

"Yes and it made me feel like shit." Norrington muttered. "Just because I'm looking for a respectable woman who will make a good wife, doesn't mean that I am incapable of being hooked up."

Scarlet nodded sympathetically in case he was peeking. "I'm sure there are a lot of women out there who would want to have a piece of you," she said. "But you seem to have your eyes set on Ms. Swann."

"Who wouldn't?" Norrington asked. "Besides women like you." he added. "I was almost engaged to her, but she fell into the damn ocean and was kidnapped before I could ask. Sparrow stole her from me!"

"Uh-huh…and how does that make you feel?"

"Like shit I tell you!"

"Okay James, I need you to relax once more." Scarlet said slowly.

"Good luck with that." Norrington muttered. "I'm relaxing."

"Now, what happened next in your dream?"

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_Norrington fired his gun and a pellet lodged itself in Jack's leg. Jack fell to the ground, howling in pain and Elizabeth ran towards Norrington. Norrington put a hand up to stop her when he heard the thud of feet hitting the ground behind him. Elizabeth stopped instantly._

"_What did you do to Jack?" Will asked as Norrington turned to face him._

"_I shot him." Norrington stated. "What else would I do?"_

"_I don't know." Will admitted, brandishing his sword. "But what are you going to do to me?"_

"_Imprison you and see if Lord Beckett wants to hang you." Norrington said, smirking. "Unless you come quietly," Jack said 'good luck with that mate' to that. "And renounce your pirate ways."_

_Will looked at Jack for help._

"_Don't do it enunch." Jack ordered._

"_Will, please." Elizabeth begged._

"_Enunch…" Jack growled._

_Will sighed. "Sorry Jack, but I value my life." he muttered, casting aside his sword. _

"_You fool." Norrington said, shooting him in both legs. He turned back to Jack who had managed to stand up. "Honestly Sparrow, where do you get your crew? They're so…mentally incapacitated."_

"_Like ye Norry." Jack shot back. _

_Norrington raised his pistol as Jack aimed his at him. A shot was fired and Jack fell to the ground._

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"You didn't kill him did you?" Scarlet asked, biting her bottom lip.

"Maybe…" Norrington said, smirking. "He deserves that much."

Scarlet's hands clenched on the notepad as she tried to control the urge to strangle him. She took several calming breaths. "So, what did you do to Jack Sparrow?" she asked.

Norrington's smirk vanished as he recalled his dream.

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_Jack Sparrow was pulled over to the other ship by two armed soldiers. He was alive and one of the few survivors. Norrington took a torch to the Black Pearl before swinging over to his ship. He looked at the pirate captives and ordered that they be put below deck. They would receive their punishment when they returned to Port Royale. There, they would be Lord Beckett's problem, not his._

_He headed for his cabin where he knew Elizabeth was waiting…_

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"Okay James, we don't need to talk about your dream anymore." Scarlet said, writing on her notepad and shaking her head in a poor attempt to get the images out of her head. "You can open your eyes and sit up."

Norrington opened his eyes and sat up with a sigh. "But we were getting to the good part." he complained.

"We were WAY past the good part." Scarlet muttered. "And I've heard enough to know what is wrong with you."

"What is it?" Norrington asked.

"You're jealous of Jack." Scarlet said. "With his adventures and his luck with the women. And you have a low self esteem around women. Perhaps you've had too many rejections in your life time."

"No." Norrington lied, starting to turn red.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Scarlet said, leaning forward. "But hiding behind that pompous act of yours will not help you. And you will not feel any better if you punish the people who you believe are living the way you should." She placed a hand on his knee. "I can help you with your problems if you let me."

"I do not have a problem Madam!" Norrington shouted, getting to his feet. "I am Commodore James Norrington! As Commodore, I have to be fit in all senses and that is what I am!"

"James, there you go hiding behind your pompous act again." Scarlet said, looking up at him.

"I'll show you pompous!" Norrington exclaimed, reaching for his pistol only to find that it wasn't there. "What the-?"

Scarlet whistled and twirled his pistol around. "Looking for this?" she asked.

"Give me that!" Norrington ordered.

"I can't do that James," Scarlet informed him. "Beckett told me to keep this until you are better. And we've just begun."

"He can't do that!" Norrington yelled.

"He can. He has more power than you." Scarlet pointed out, putting his pistol in a drawer. "Now I will see you next week, same time."

"No you will not Madam!" Norrington declared, leaving the office and slamming the door behind him.

"He'll be back." Scarlet muttered to herself. "And he'll be depressed or something like that." She stood up and walked over to her desk. She paged secretary. "Hey Alonzo, can you cancel my other appointments today. I'm going to the beach."

"He was that bad?" Alonzo asked.

"Yes. I need to unwind." Scarlet muttered, smiling. "You can come too if you want, I mean, you do have to look at them longer than I do."

"Alright Scarlet."

Scarlet smirked and looked outside. _How the hell did I make it this far? _she thought. _And how much more of this can I take?_

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_A/N: Seriously, how much more can she take? A LOT more I'm telling you. Oh and if you guys haven't read what's on my profile about this story, well I have something I must reveal to you. If the characters are not in character, it's because I have NEVER seen a full POTC movie. I saw half of the first one and that was it. But I do hang around a girl who tells me a lot of stuff about POTC so I get the main points. SO, you have been warned. If you want to back out now or send some flames in my direction I will not blame you. Thanks for reading and reviewing so far and I hope you continue to do so!_

_Scarlet_


	4. Author's Note

_A/N: Okay, the reasons I haven't updated are simple._

_1) I don't know who to do next, Will or Elizabeth (for those who think of Lizzie McGuire when I put Lizzie)_

_2) Some readers didn't understand that the last chapter about Norrington was about Norrington's dream. He wants to feel powerful, important, and get what he wants. Of course, none if it is true because it was his dream! It can be whatever the person wants it to be._

_3) You guys never had a problem with the story until I said 'I haven't seen a full POTC movie' and then all hell broke loose._

_4) I don't know about all the characters, so I can't do a chapter for all of them. (examples: Teague Sparrow, Bootstrap Bill, etc.)_

_5) And I don't know if anyone actually wants me to continue with this story after everything that I've said before this. And I don't know if you're answers will actually be true or lies to make me feel better._

_6) I don't think I should continue on with this story because I feel like doing so without seeing the movies (which I plan to do eventually) is completely and utterly wrong._

_I'm just really confused right now and I could use your feed back. Tell me what you think I should do, but DO NOT tell me that I need to see the POTC movies because I am PLANNING on doing so. Thank you for your time._

_Scarlet_


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N: After all of your nice input, I thought hard about what should happen next and this was the result. At the end of this, there's some good news for you all._

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Scarlet strolled along the beach with Alonzo, wearing a pair of shorts and a bikini top. She could see the Black Pearl anchored just offshore of the beach, but did not see where Norrington's ship was. Alonzo wasn't helping much either. He was too busy checking out the male lifeguard.

"Alonzo, I'm gonna go take a swim, alright?" Scarlet asked, eyeing the Black Pearl.

"Sure. Whatever you say." Alonzo said, watching the lifeguard put on some more sun tan lotion.

Scarlet rolled her eyes and started walking out into the ocean. _You're cute, but it's too bad that your brains are in your biceps, _she thought, feet barely touching the bottom of the ocean about 20 feet from land.

She took a deep breath and plunged into the ocean. 10 minutes later, she popped out of the water next to the anchor and started climbing the rope up. She looked around a bit before jumping onto the deck. The closest person to her was Elizabeth.

"Scarlet, what are you doing here?" Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms.

"Curtain shopping." Scarlet said, smirking. Elizabeth gave her a confused look. "I'm just trying to see how you, Will, and Jack are like outside of my office. It's nothing really. Just pretend that I'm not here."

"Jack will have no problem doing that." Elizabeth said, shaking her head. "You could be talking to him one moment and then he'll forget you're there."

"Okay…well, I'll just be going to see the Captain now…" Scarlet muttered, winding her way past various pirates. "If I were Jack where would I be besides a bar filled with rum?"

"Well, if ye asked me, he should be dead on an island." Barbossa said, standing behind her.

"Besides what you think Barbossa, where can I find the witty Captain?" Scarlet asked, turning to face him.

"I find that I can't recall." Barbossa said, smirking as he looked her up and down. "But some persuasion could coax me memory."

Scarlet smirked and leaned in close to him. "That's alright. I'll find Jack myself." she whispered.

"Fine." Barbossa grumbled, returning to whatever he'd been doing before she passed.

Scarlet found a loose rope swinging just above her head and got an idea. She grabbed hold of it and swung herself over to the wheel where Jack was standing, drinking rum of course.

"Thank de heavens!" Jack said, looking up at the sky, toasting it with his rum bottle. "Me wish has come true!"

"What wish?" Scarlet asked.

"Half naked women are falling from the sky." Jack stated, looking up at the sky expectantly. "Now all it needs to do is start raining rum."

"Jack, I'm your psychiatrist." Scarlet reminded him.

"Oh…" Jack said, walking around the wheel towards her. "But you're so…" He put a hand to his chest.

"Jack, do you want me to have to slap you?" Scarlet questioned, crossing her arms.

"No, but I would deserve it though." Jack muttered. "I just never noticed that you're so…"

Scarlet rolled her eyes. "Listen Jack, I'm here to observe you for a bit. So, do whatever you normally do and pretend I'm not here."

"Right." Jack said, turning back to the wheel. He started playing with it and looked at her. "Eh…what are ye doing on me ship lady?"

"Jack!" Scarlet hissed.

"I'm kidding." Jack said, smiling.

Scarlet rolled her eyes again and walked back over to the mast. _Maybe this is why my bosses don't recommend house visits with pirates, _she thought, ignoring the looks Ragetti and Pintel gave her.

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After an hour of interviewing several crew members, Scarlet found Jack, Will, and Elizabeth talking over some rum on barrels. She walked over and Jack nearly fell off his barrel.

"There be half naked women on me ship, whelps." he said, smiling widely. "Welcome aboard my dear."

"I've been here for an hour Jack." Scarlet said, crossing her arms. "Remember?"

"Uh…not really." Jack stated, taking another sip of rum.

"See I told you so." Elizabeth muttered, shaking her head. "Once he gets rum into his system…it's pointless to try to get him to remember anything recent." She threw her mug of rum overboard. "Rum is a poison that ruins families and turns men into monsters."

Scarlet looked over her bottle of rum at Elizabeth while she spoke. "It's not that bad you know."

"You're with him on this then?" Elizabeth asked, eyes wide.

Scarlet shrugged. Jack turned his mug upside down, but no rum came out of it.

"Why is the rum gone?" he asked.

"You drank it." Will reminded him.

"She'd rather burn it." Jack said, pointing at Elizabeth. "That was good rum too luv. Don't see why ye had to go and burn it all. But it's not happening again."

"Shush up Jack and have yourself some more rum." Scarlet ordered, pouring the rest of her rum into his mug.

"Thank ye luv." Jack said before busying himself in the rum.

"Is this really something you should encourage?" Will asked, watching Jack.

"No, but nothing says I can't." Scarlet said, shrugging. "Besides, he needs it."

"No one needs that horrible stuff." Elizabeth declared, thinking of something.

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_Elizabeth threw more rum onto the fire and the fire got higher. She laughed and started dancing around it, hearing the cheers of countless women whose husbands had been lost to the drink._

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"Let's just hope your world and ours never collide." Scarlet said, leaning against the railing.

Elizabeth 'humphed' and looked away. Will put a hand on hers and gave her a small smile.

"So, while I was talking to people, I found that hardly anyone on here does not have a serious problem." Scarlet informed them.

"Like what?" Will asked.

"Well, Barbossa must have things go his way or he doesn't like it. He's controlling and full of lust, as I'm sure you've seen Elizabeth." Scarlet explained.

"Don't remind me." Elizabeth muttered, closing her eyes.

"And the others have their own problems. To tell you the truth, I can count the number of sane people on one of my hands." Scarlet said.

"Who are they?" Will questioned.

"Jack the monkey, Anna Marie, Jack, and me." Scarlet said, counting them off on one hand.

"But Jack's a monkey!" Will exclaimed.

"Am not!" Jack argued.

"Not you Jack. Jack the monkey." Will and Elizabeth said in unison.

"Oh…alright then." Jack said, returning to his rum.

"The monkey shouldn't count." Will stated.

"Well, he does because he is old enough to vote." Scarlet said, cocking her head to one side.

"But Jack's a drunk!" Elizabeth argued, pointing an accusing finger at him. "And there has got to be something wrong with his mind!"

"He is a bit daft." Will admitted.

"I ain't daft, boy toy!" Jack growled from in his mug.

"I told you who I thought were sane on this ship and my word stands." Jack raised his hand. "Yes Jack?"

"Are ye sure the gods didn't send ye down to me with barrels of rum?" Jack asked.

Scarlet rolled her eyes and knocked him off his barrel. "They didn't." She looked at Elizabeth. "Will I see you in two days or not?"

"Yes." Elizabeth said. "And we will have a lot to talk about."

"What about me?" Will questioned.

"What about you?" Scarlet asked. "Your appointment's not until Saturday. And you better not be there when Elizabeth comes for hers."

"Drat." Will muttered.

"Well, I think I've seen all I want or need to see on this ship." Scarlet mumbled, climbing onto the railing. "I'll see you pirates later." She jumped into the water.

Jack picked himself off the deck and looked over the railing as she resurfaced and started swimming towards shore. "I get de feeling that me doctor was spying on me ship." he muttered. "And when did she get so…?"

Elizabeth slapped him before climbing up the rigging to the crows nest to speak with Anna Marie. Jack looked at Will.

"Did I deserve that?" he asked.

"I believe so." Will stated, watching Scarlet reach shore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Note to self, _Scarlet thought, walking onto land. _Do not go onto that ship while wearing revealing clothes. Do not give Jack more rum than I have to. And…_She spotted Alonzo making out with the lifeguard. _Find me a new secretary._

She glanced back at the Black Pearl and smirked. "This whole thing could be fun." she muttered. "If it doesn't drive me crazy first."

She started walking away from the beach. "Alonzo, detach yourself from your new boyfriend and come on. We have work to do." she called over her shoulder. "And you have some phone calls to make for me. I'm probably gonna have more clients than I thought."

"Yes Scarlet." Alonzo sighed, following her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_A/N: Okay, I don't know about this chapter but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway the good news is…I saw the first POTC movie, so I kind of understand the people better now. Next installment will deal with Elizabeth, so stick around and review._


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